Comics

And another thing.... in my day, by which I mean August 14th, 1976 (I remember it well, we hung out Union Jack Bunting and had cups of tea and cake in big street parties) (actually I think I'm getting confused with the Silver Jubilee)... anyway MY day, whenever it was (think Sex Pistols, power cuts, Morecambe and Wise, crushing a grape, trades unions, Cheggars Plays Pop, winter of discontent, Home Rule - that's around the time I'm talking about), we bought comics and they had the decency to cost 10 p and just be a comic.

NOW.... (think Blair, Girls Aloud, ASBOs, nuclear inspectors, windfarms, Big Brother errr... Morecambe and Wise, Home Rule) they cost £1.75. Yes.... you non-parents gasp. I'll say it again. £1.75... AT LEAST, and are either full of princesses or turtles (according to gender) and ALWAYS come with a cheap plastic toy. A reaalllllyyyy shit one as well. They always either don't work, or if they're not meant to work (like a necklace), they break, so the kids get disappointed. I don't want them because they fill up my house with plastic crap. Newsagents and distributors don't want them cos they are all bulky and angular and make it a nightmare to package and stack the comics. The publishers don't want them because they cut into profit margins - basically they spend about 20p per toy, tops. But this is the clever capitalism bit. Every publisher has to put toys on their comics, because all the other publishers are putting toys on theirs. So toys it is. The comic industry revolves around kids whining for cheap plastic necklaces.

And if anyone has ever pulled a toy off a comic without the sellotape ripping off half the front page, I'd very much like to know about it.