Chicken Pox!

Argh! You can tell it's Christmas cos one of the kids is sick. Tonight, Matthew, Peter is going to be..... (drum roll)... the POXMEISTER!

As a matter of fact, I've never had chicken pox, though I have had cowpox (long story - it was Helen's fault). So if the terrorists launch a smallpox attack on British and US interests, *you're* all screwed, but *i'm* fine. However I might be about to catch chicken pox.

Oh Lordy, it's Christmas

WARNING: BLOG ENTRY MAY CONTAINS SCENES OF CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION OF PINK PLASTIC.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AWAY NOW

????

Lizzie and 'Lizzie from Cars', Santa had trouble getting that.

Pop-up books are better than in my day

Marvellous. Pink Plastic Leapster

Ocean of Pink Plastic

Playing with Lizzie's presents

Playing with Mac

Sprouts

Bratz are evil

The night before Christmas...

...and all over the house, not a creature is stirring, especially not these two little horrors. Bless. They're in bed, waiting for Santa.

But THIS is a short clip of what they were like before the chloroform kicked in...

Here we go

it's starting///
Lizzie and Peabrain doing the tree.


And my little angels....

And i'm sorry Peter, but if you don't want to be shamed on the internet, don't fall asleep on the rug with a filthy rag in your mouth, when I'm bored.

Peter sleeping

As the saying goes, I'll try anything once except incest and Scottish country dancing. Peter, on the other hand, can do Highland in his sleep.

Here we go

Christmas is a coming, the goose is getting fat, we'll eat the budgie if we can get it before the cat. My house is going to fill up with pink plastic crap, and now with Peter, 'Cars' plastic crap. So, with this in mind, I'm wandering round the house with a big black plastic bag, getting rid of anything I don't like the look of, creating space for Xmas orgy of toys. Here's some random photos; if you're not immediate family you're probably not interested, but as a clue, if you see anything you recognise in these pics... we don't want another one, thank you.

Bit worried about Peter's choice in pink sparkly shoes.

South Park Collinsons

You too can have an entire South Park family. This is us...

Peter's makeshift beds

Peter's made himself a bed out of our settee. grrrrr.... notice how this settee is perfectly decent and servicable.... but no! It's on it's way out to make room for new leather settee. I swore I'd rather fall down and die in a puddle of purple diarrhoea than buy a new settee. But I lost the moral high ground when I bought a new telescope. Turns out my scope cost£700 more than I thought, and came with free settees. If you'd like to take this orange number off our hands (the settee, not Pea-brain), drop me a line. Dirty stinking settees.

Peter's also made himself a bed out of an old daddy he found lying around.

Red sky at night, something on fire

Look at the sunset this evening.... I don't know what it augers, but I hope it's something good. Might be a coincidence, but a lioness whelped in the street, too.


Lizzie took this picture of me in stoopid pose, with random lightswitch and ornamental tortoise. i said it could go on here.

Blindfold-Baby-Bunny has got her own blog

http://bunnylovesyou.blogspot.com/

I had to get her away from the children

Red sky at morning, angel delight... or something

Ooh, it's so arty. Fantastic sunrise this morning. Three shots.

Newtonhill commute

You can see the sea just below the level of the left-hand lampposts




Clouds only. Is this the right way up?

Oooooohhhh spooky!

Scooby Doo, eat your heart out. Now THIS is spooky. Our house. As Peter would say: 'Scary Monsters!

Blindfold bunny-baby - dismembered, but alive!

Thanks to http://menziebirding.blogspot.com/

see

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/220/2865/1600/Goldcrests.jpg

This is nothing to do with me

... it made me do it. The Anne Geddes bunny-baby is EVIL! I don't even know what that's all about.

Peter's had his tea

If the wolves had brought him up properly, they'd have taught him to lick his own face.

If this works...

.. i'll do some more . Lizzie catches a butterfly

Pea-brain 2

Oooohhhh, I'm ashamed. This is my idiot son playing hide and seek. Now, I want you to close your eyes... and no peeking.


1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9....10 Coming, ready or not!!!


errrr.... OK, we found you.

Send money, or the Anne Geddes Bunny-baby gets it. Really.

Imagine my surprise...

... when a very nice couple rang the doorbell this evening, claiming to be the exiled King and Queen of Transbaikalia, saying they'd come to take Lizzie back to her rightful position in a beautiful sugar candy palace on the banks of the River Danube. As any good father would, I had assumed that Lizzie was previously lying through her teeth on that subject. I pretended to speak no English, and called the police. A bit like when the Jehovah's witnesses call round, except this time I didn't acquire a copyof Watchtower. Close call though. Lizzie was laid face down in a pile of pink plastic crap when they called, filthy from head to foot with black felt-tip. One look and they'd have been scared off forever. Next project.. acquire Lizzie's fortune and send our cats off to Transbaikalia, second class mail.

Hello...

...my lab. Get back to work!!!

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=728

Plastic crap

No really... plastic crap! NOW I've seen everything. Lizzie spotted an advert for this on the telly and of course she wants it. Barbie has a dog that you can feed and then it drops little pellets of plastic dog crap out of it's little plastic anus. Barbie can scoop it and bag it... a lifestyle trainer for the little spoilt princesses of tomorrow. ffs!



I've had an insider tip that Ken is like the guy in our village who just carries two stones around in a little plastic bag, so it looks like he's picked up after his dog, when really the thing is crapping all over the footpaths.

Deja vu

I've had a terrible sense of deja vu recently, and today I worked out what it is - our home life has turned into a series of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. I'm the boring Dad. Diane is the nutty exasperated Mum. Lizzie is Calvin and Peter is Hobbes.


(c) Bill Watterson: reproduced in the hope I'll get away with it this once. From The Days are Just Packed, 1993; Warner Books. Go out an buy it to appease their lawyers.

Biographies

Case 1

Full Name: Elizabeth Daisy Collinson (Lizzie)
Born: sometime mid-january 2001.
Birthplace: Romania - a fairy-tale palace on the banks of the Danube.

Claims without evidence to have been sent abroad by her parents, apparently the rightful heirs to the throne of an obselete and defunct small satellite state somewhere outside Romania, possibly Transbaikalia, fearing for their lives. Lizzie was left on the doorstep of St John's Hospital, Livingston, Scotland. M Collinson found her at 6 am shivering in the cold, as he went for his appointment to have his ingrowing toenail removed. Now looked after by MC and D Lawson, in Newtonhill, NE Scotland. She dreams that one day her real parents will take her away from this hell hole, back to the palace on the banks of the Danube where she can play princesses all day.

Favourite food: Sugar.





Case 2
Full Name: Peter Stewart Collinson (Pea-brain)
Born: estimated July 2004.
Birthplace: Russia

Born in an isolated village in Siberia. 'Accidentally' lost in the woods by his parents. Raised by wolves. Found by peasant woman and sold into slavery. Escaped on logging ship to Lithuania and hence to Poland. Befriended by Polish student who came to UK to work in hotel. Escaped by gnawing through the bars of his travel cot. Formally adopted by M Collinson and D Lawson, but still essentially feral. Roams streets at night, killing and eating hedgehogs.

Favourite food: Raw meat. Red red meat. Preferably hedgehogs.

Lizzie's Pink Plastic motorbike

Here's our Betty on a big pink bike. She's happy. It cost me a quid!



And here she is learning about squirrels! That was free - my smile was even bigger than hers.


Finally, this is Pea-brain 'greeting' cos he got his hands dirty. bless.