Lizzie's Pink Plastic Warehouse

Playing out

2008-04-06T09:17:00.001-07:00

A couple of photos from Duthie Park during the week. As you see they're both happy despite the temperature.

Lizzie driving a steamroller. Look out ahead!!!

Yes. Quite.

Not only was Peter sick in his pants in the toilets at Duthie Park, he went home and gashed his forehead open on Diane's thumbnail, then ran into a door at full pelt, and finally trapped his willy in the doors of his Space Shuttle. He thought it was a brilliant day. (No really, he did!).

Peter doing a post-mortem on our snowman.

2008-03-02T15:48:00.001-08:00

Lizzie sings, for your diversion

2008-02-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

Generation gap - not so bad

2008-01-22T07:37:00.000-08:00

I saw this over at What the hell is wrong with you?

Things that apply to me are in bold:

1. Father went to college he finished school on a Friday, went out to work on Monday
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. D
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 unless you count Chess Club
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed As students
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school Rydal School, Colwyn Bay - with a social scene similar to Rydell High.
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child Dad's paintings
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child Shared with Helen til about 7
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school It was black and white
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Lizzie and Peter would write..
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 Swimming, dance
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed as Bratz Dolls (lizzie) or Bart Simpson (Peter)
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs too young
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels Sometimes
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child unless you count photos, or their own paintings
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school Lizzie has her own TV
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

I guess that's not atypical.

Turned out nice again

2007-12-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

Newtonhill.... sub-zero swingpark with bonus wind and dog crap. Peter and Lizzie don't mind.

Christmas Morning

2007-12-25T04:44:00.000-08:00

It's here again. Pictures...

First, THIS is the wreckage we found on the wee table in the living room. That's one greedy sod, that Santa. And Rudolph.

Baby Wet n' Wiggles. He wets, and he wiggles. It's a disgrace.

Peter seems pleased with his Thomas the Tank Engine tent.

And in it...

And wrecking it with his digger

It's carnage in here

See!

Santa says Not Guilty. Lizzie is exonerated on all charges. Santa was obviously drunk and took his eye off the ball during the School Assembly Incident.

Caught in the act

2007-12-24T13:32:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve, and I caught Peter under the tree checking out his loot.

Dylan, 1989 - 2007

2007-11-24T08:01:00.000-08:00

RIP Dylan

We're not having much luck with the cats recently.

Dylan... son of Ziggy (father not known, could have been any of a selection of seven or so). A somewhat effeminate character. Useless hunter. Last member standing from the 'Gang of Six' that used to abuse our generousity. Dweezil, Dylan, Ziggy, Beau-beau, Smudge and Arthur. All dead. Some not before time. Shame about Dyl-boy - he was the only one I liked.

Lizzie and Dylan in the halcyon days of their youth.

Ziggy, 1989 - 2007

2007-10-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

RIP Ziggy.

A cat with personality flaws. And a fat arse. Sorely missed by manufacturers of cat biscuits everywhere.

2007-08-30T11:57:00.001-07:00

Look what I found when I got home last night. There's no explanation for this.

SOmetimes photos remind you of more than you want to remember.

2007-07-15T14:23:00.001-07:00

Non-sex-stereotypical plastic crap

2007-04-29T14:31:00.000-07:00

Even Peter likes his Princesses

Aviemore, April 2007

2007-04-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while. Everyone's still alive. Hereby a photographic record of our overpriced World Tour of Aviemore.

Chicken Pox!

2006-12-30T14:51:00.000-08:00

Argh! You can tell it's Christmas cos one of the kids is sick. Tonight, Matthew, Peter is going to be..... (drum roll)... the POXMEISTER!

As a matter of fact, I've never had chicken pox, though I have had cowpox (long story - it was Helen's fault). So if the terrorists launch a smallpox attack on British and US interests, *you're* all screwed, but *i'm* fine. However I might be about to catch chicken pox.

Oh Lordy, it's Christmas

2006-12-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

WARNING: BLOG ENTRY MAY CONTAINS SCENES OF CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION OF PINK PLASTIC.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AWAY NOW

????

Lizzie and 'Lizzie from Cars', Santa had trouble getting that.

Pop-up books are better than in my day

Marvellous. Pink Plastic Leapster

Ocean of Pink Plastic

Playing with Lizzie's presents

Playing with Mac

Sprouts

Bratz are evil

The night before Christmas...

2006-12-24T13:58:00.000-08:00

...and all over the house, not a creature is stirring, especially not these two little horrors. Bless. They're in bed, waiting for Santa.

But THIS is a short clip of what they were like before the chloroform kicked in...

Here we go

2006-12-17T08:39:00.000-08:00

it's starting///
Lizzie and Peabrain doing the tree.

And my little angels....

And i'm sorry Peter, but if you don't want to be shamed on the internet, don't fall asleep on the rug with a filthy rag in your mouth, when I'm bored.

Peter sleeping

2006-12-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

As the saying goes, I'll try anything once except incest and Scottish country dancing. Peter, on the other hand, can do Highland in his sleep.

Here we go

2006-11-26T15:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a coming, the goose is getting fat, we'll eat the budgie if we can get it before the cat. My house is going to fill up with pink plastic crap, and now with Peter, 'Cars' plastic crap. So, with this in mind, I'm wandering round the house with a big black plastic bag, getting rid of anything I don't like the look of, creating space for Xmas orgy of toys. Here's some random photos; if you're not immediate family you're probably not interested, but as a clue, if you see anything you recognise in these pics... we don't want another one, thank you.

Bit worried about Peter's choice in pink sparkly shoes.

South Park Collinsons

2006-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

You too can have an entire South Park family. This is us...

Peter's makeshift beds

2006-11-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

Peter's made himself a bed out of our settee. grrrrr.... notice how this settee is perfectly decent and servicable.... but no! It's on it's way out to make room for new leather settee. I swore I'd rather fall down and die in a puddle of purple diarrhoea than buy a new settee. But I lost the moral high ground when I bought a new telescope. Turns out my scope cost£700 more than I thought, and came with free settees. If you'd like to take this orange number off our hands (the settee, not Pea-brain), drop me a line. Dirty stinking settees.

Peter's also made himself a bed out of an old daddy he found lying around.

Red sky at night, something on fire

2006-11-05T15:08:00.000-08:00

Look at the sunset this evening.... I don't know what it augers, but I hope it's something good. Might be a coincidence, but a lioness whelped in the street, too.

Lizzie took this picture of me in stoopid pose, with random lightswitch and ornamental tortoise. i said it could go on here.

Blindfold-Baby-Bunny has got her own blog

2006-10-30T15:43:00.000-08:00

http://bunnylovesyou.blogspot.com/

I had to get her away from the children

Red sky at morning, angel delight... or something

2006-10-27T03:39:00.000-07:00

Ooh, it's so arty. Fantastic sunrise this morning. Three shots.

Newtonhill commute

You can see the sea just below the level of the left-hand lampposts

Clouds only. Is this the right way up?

Oooooohhhh spooky!

2006-10-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

Scooby Doo, eat your heart out. Now THIS is spooky. Our house. As Peter would say: 'Scary Monsters!

Blindfold bunny-baby - dismembered, but alive!

2006-10-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to http://menziebirding.blogspot.com/

see

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/220/2865/1600/Goldcrests.jpg

This is nothing to do with me

2006-10-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

... it made me do it. The Anne Geddes bunny-baby is EVIL! I don't even know what that's all about.

Peter's had his tea

2006-10-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

If the wolves had brought him up properly, they'd have taught him to lick his own face.

If this works...

2006-10-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

.. i'll do some more . Lizzie catches a butterfly

Pea-brain 2

2006-10-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

Oooohhhh, I'm ashamed. This is my idiot son playing hide and seek. Now, I want you to close your eyes... and no peeking.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9....10 Coming, ready or not!!!

errrr.... OK, we found you.

Send money, or the Anne Geddes Bunny-baby gets it. Really.

2006-09-23T00:57:00.000-07:00

Imagine my surprise...

2006-09-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

... when a very nice couple rang the doorbell this evening, claiming to be the exiled King and Queen of Transbaikalia, saying they'd come to take Lizzie back to her rightful position in a beautiful sugar candy palace on the banks of the River Danube. As any good father would, I had assumed that Lizzie was previously lying through her teeth on that subject. I pretended to speak no English, and called the police. A bit like when the Jehovah's witnesses call round, except this time I didn't acquire a copyof Watchtower. Close call though. Lizzie was laid face down in a pile of pink plastic crap when they called, filthy from head to foot with black felt-tip. One look and they'd have been scared off forever. Next project.. acquire Lizzie's fortune and send our cats off to Transbaikalia, second class mail.

Hello...

2006-08-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

...my lab. Get back to work!!!

http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=728

Plastic crap

2006-08-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

No really... plastic crap! NOW I've seen everything. Lizzie spotted an advert for this on the telly and of course she wants it. Barbie has a dog that you can feed and then it drops little pellets of plastic dog crap out of it's little plastic anus. Barbie can scoop it and bag it... a lifestyle trainer for the little spoilt princesses of tomorrow. ffs!

I've had an insider tip that Ken is like the guy in our village who just carries two stones around in a little plastic bag, so it looks like he's picked up after his dog, when really the thing is crapping all over the footpaths.

Deja vu

2006-08-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

I've had a terrible sense of deja vu recently, and today I worked out what it is - our home life has turned into a series of Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. I'm the boring Dad. Diane is the nutty exasperated Mum. Lizzie is Calvin and Peter is Hobbes.

(c) Bill Watterson: reproduced in the hope I'll get away with it this once. From The Days are Just Packed, 1993; Warner Books. Go out an buy it to appease their lawyers.

Biographies

2006-08-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

Case 1

Full Name: Elizabeth Daisy Collinson (Lizzie)
Born: sometime mid-january 2001.
Birthplace: Romania - a fairy-tale palace on the banks of the Danube.

Claims without evidence to have been sent abroad by her parents, apparently the rightful heirs to the throne of an obselete and defunct small satellite state somewhere outside Romania, possibly Transbaikalia, fearing for their lives. Lizzie was left on the doorstep of St John's Hospital, Livingston, Scotland. M Collinson found her at 6 am shivering in the cold, as he went for his appointment to have his ingrowing toenail removed. Now looked after by MC and D Lawson, in Newtonhill, NE Scotland. She dreams that one day her real parents will take her away from this hell hole, back to the palace on the banks of the Danube where she can play princesses all day.

Favourite food: Sugar.

Case 2
Full Name: Peter Stewart Collinson (Pea-brain)
Born: estimated July 2004.
Birthplace: Russia

Born in an isolated village in Siberia. 'Accidentally' lost in the woods by his parents. Raised by wolves. Found by peasant woman and sold into slavery. Escaped on logging ship to Lithuania and hence to Poland. Befriended by Polish student who came to UK to work in hotel. Escaped by gnawing through the bars of his travel cot. Formally adopted by M Collinson and D Lawson, but still essentially feral. Roams streets at night, killing and eating hedgehogs.

Favourite food: Raw meat. Red red meat. Preferably hedgehogs.

Lizzie's Pink Plastic motorbike

2006-08-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Here's our Betty on a big pink bike. She's happy. It cost me a quid!

And here she is learning about squirrels! That was free - my smile was even bigger than hers.

Finally, this is Pea-brain 'greeting' cos he got his hands dirty. bless.

Big Bus

2006-07-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

Auntie Wendy and Uncle Neil!! Peter loves his big bus, as you see.

But at night, when he's gone to bed, it has nowhere to live, and it sits in the middle of the living room for me to look at.

2006-07-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

Look at this

http://www.designboom.com/contemporary/toys3.html

China produces 75% of the World's toys. 55% of those end up on my living room floor. I couldn't say it if it wasn't true.

Bubbles

2006-07-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Good call, Grandad-with-the-drums! Bubble machine very popular!! Gets an exceptional plastic crap exemption. Very few of those handed out. Here's Lizzie andPeter enjoying the fun.

Car crash? Fist fight? Strawberries?

2006-07-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

We also went out picking strawberries near St Cyrus. Between you and me, I think Peter was eating them as we were going round. Good job he didn't make it obvious... errrrr....

The REAL reason Peter didn't get lots of presents

2006-07-22T14:38:00.001-07:00

Well, at £40 a time for me and Diane, there wasn't a lot of money left for Peter's presents. So he stayed home with his Gran, and we went out and had a good time on his behalf. Awesome.

Hard work being two

2006-07-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

Peter's second birthday. Argh! I dread birthdays for fear that the Toys R' Us truck will comne and dump its load on our front lawn. Tried to get around that this time by not telling anyone, least of all Peter, it was his birthday. So Pea-brain knows he had cake for breakfast, but doesn't know why. Family did well though - socks and a fiver from Auntie helen and Uncle Darren, couple of games from Stewie and Michelle, clothes from Nana and a scooter from Gran... so not too much pink plastic crap littered around the place. In fact, I almost approve, AND I haven't been drinking anything. Apart from God's purest tea. We went out to Stonehaven.

Peter with scooter and cake.

Peter and Lizzie enjoying ice cream. Peter looks like he's trying to be Axl Rose.

Peter really enjoying his ice cream

Lizzie, on collision course with Black-headed Gull

Peter at the amusements, scared by Postman Pat

Peter won a fish. All too much. It's hard work being two.

Barbie Mermaidia

2006-06-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

Hooray! A Barbie Mermaidia doll is in the house! A development that I regard with unalloyed pleasure.

Missing shoes

2006-06-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

Scottish wife has pointed out that I MISSED 4 pairs ofLizzie's shoes... her sparkly ones, and three pairs of dance shoes - ballet, highland (eugh!) and tap. So that's 19 pairs of shoes.

???? wtf?

Shoes

2006-06-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

Goddammit! *I* have two pairs of shoes, both Doctor Martens boots, seen better days. My children (2, seen better days) seem to need 15 pairs of shoes between them! 14 seen here, one more currently on Peter's feet. Bear in mind that at this age the shoes last about 3 months if we're lucky. How does this work? See documentary evidence. There is another caterpillar around, couldn't find it. This is just tooooo much.

Fountains of sweetcorn

2006-06-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

10 days since my last post - our house has gained further varieties of PPC that I will document when time allows. But you should know this.... Saturday lunchtime - we found a baked bean in Peter's ear! And today, the wee P-brain sneezed up a piece of sweetcorn that had been lurking up his nose for the last two weeks. Surprised he didn't eat it, or stick it back up an available orifice. The minger.

Pea-brain

2006-06-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

A copycat crime. Lizzie stuck a pea up her nose at tea time. Fortunately she's old enough to blow her nose and get it out again. What possessed her?

Does the bus go faster if I get out and push?

2006-05-31T14:47:00.000-07:00

On way home tonight...Diane rings. 'Where are you?' Well I was on the bus coming home. 'Can you get here as fast as you can... we're going to have to take Peter to A+E.' Not the words you want to hear. Especially as I can't make the bus go any faster, short of hijacking it.
It turns out that while Diane was making our tea, my IDIOT son had been systematically shoving sweetcorn up his nose. I have a funny feeling he was being egged on by my wee girl, but eventually she got round to telling her mum what was going on. Apparently he started sneezing, and 2 bits popped out, but Diane could see another lodged wayyyyy waaaayyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy up there, and had rung the Doctors and she had to go to hospital so a nurse with some teenytiny, but long, tweezers could hoik it out.

Oh, the shame... there we were in baby A+E, comparing mishaps. One boy had fallen off his bike, broke his thumb and had a bleeding head. Another baby had fallen off the settee and had a big bump on her head. And us.... well.... sweetcorn blockage. Took them a few minutes to get it out. First we tried blowing up the other nostril... then the long tweezers, and out came this sweetcorn. Had a good look up his nose with a sweetcorn searchlight, but looks like all out. We went home. As i was getting him ready for his bath - lo! Another bit of sweetcorn up there. Where did THAT come from? NO WAY I am heading back to A+E to sit with the boys with saucepans on their heads etc, so I went after the f***er myself. Diane and her running pal were intially surprised to find me on the living room floor with Peter in a vice-like grip and a screwdriver up his nose. In hindsight I can see their point. So we borrowed some eyebrow tweezers from next door, and I got it! Please god let that be the END.

IDIOT! :-) Note plastic crap keeping him amused.

Sunday - a non-plastic day

2006-05-29T03:58:00.000-07:00

Isn't it boring when the footie season ends? Not that following Leeds United is a barrel of laughs, but at least it's something to be worried about at weekends. NOW, argh! I was tricked into spending time with the family!! :-) We went out for a picnic in Hazlehead Park - lovely - never been there before. Only when I got there was I told it was for a wholesome afternoon of healthy exercise - playing rounders etc. OK I managed to avoid the rounders, but only at the expense of a serious session at the swing park. What next, standing around the piano singing songs?? Argh again! Come back plastic crap!!

Skirting board - what that?

2006-05-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

IIIIIII remember... when the World was young, and we didn't have any kids, Diane had three cats and sometimes there would be a few cat toys, baskets, maybe even a cat, strewn around the floor, and we'd get itchy about that and tidy up. Then Lizzie came along, and one of the cats got in a huff and died, to spite us, and the other two moved into the garage for some peace. And then, dear reader, something strange started happening to our house... the floors got smaller. Bits of baby-scat would gather and get pushed into the corners. Christmases and birthdays came and went, and then one night we got drunk and bam there was Peter too, so double the number of birthdays etc., and piles of stuff came into the house. Like Trojan horses, we allowed these prettily wrapped things to come through the door, but inside... they contained plastic toys. Oh yes. Plastic toys which neither die, nor move out, nor even rot away, but pile up in the corners. NOW, we live our lives in a 2 x 2 metre bit of floor space in the centre of the living room, with mountainsides of plastic crap all around, scared to make a noise in case it all comes tumbling down. You think it can't happen to you?? Beware! Beware! Still at least we never have to clean the skirting boards.

The corner of Peter's room. Where plastic goes to die.

More comics

2006-05-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here we are... case in point. This turns up in the ASDA bags. £2.25!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Note the My Little Pony purse sellotaped to the front with something stronger than battleship chains. To my certain knowledge, Lizzie already has 4 purses. And no money!

Open the back door and let some plastic out.

2006-05-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

Peter would like to show you the latest addition to our emporium of plastic crap.

Comics

2006-05-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

And another thing.... in my day, by which I mean August 14th, 1976 (I remember it well, we hung out Union Jack Bunting and had cups of tea and cake in big street parties) (actually I think I'm getting confused with the Silver Jubilee)... anyway MY day, whenever it was (think Sex Pistols, power cuts, Morecambe and Wise, crushing a grape, trades unions, Cheggars Plays Pop, winter of discontent, Home Rule - that's around the time I'm talking about), we bought comics and they had the decency to cost 10 p and just be a comic.

NOW.... (think Blair, Girls Aloud, ASBOs, nuclear inspectors, windfarms, Big Brother errr... Morecambe and Wise, Home Rule) they cost £1.75. Yes.... you non-parents gasp. I'll say it again. £1.75... AT LEAST, and are either full of princesses or turtles (according to gender) and ALWAYS come with a cheap plastic toy. A reaalllllyyyy shit one as well. They always either don't work, or if they're not meant to work (like a necklace), they break, so the kids get disappointed. I don't want them because they fill up my house with plastic crap. Newsagents and distributors don't want them cos they are all bulky and angular and make it a nightmare to package and stack the comics. The publishers don't want them because they cut into profit margins - basically they spend about 20p per toy, tops. But this is the clever capitalism bit. Every publisher has to put toys on their comics, because all the other publishers are putting toys on theirs. So toys it is. The comic industry revolves around kids whining for cheap plastic necklaces.

And if anyone has ever pulled a toy off a comic without the sellotape ripping off half the front page, I'd very much like to know about it.

Plastic. Crap.

2006-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Plastic... well first I guess it's made from oil and coal and stuff. Strangely, apart from perpetuating global environmental crime and propping up mad-dog capitalist economies (no names!), I don't mind this. In 200 years or so when we've finished robbing all the fossil fuels and there's none left, people are going to realise how useful it all was, and they're going to look back at us and be gobsmacked that we used to burn the stuff. At least with plastic, something is being made, rather than burnt. Of course, the oil might be spilt on the beach (bad), but if we're lucky, it is made into plastic pellets.

Mostly, these are thrown in the sea. Well, not mostly. But a lot find themselves overboard one way or the other, where they may float, and of course hang around FOREVER! Birds eat them. It fills their stomachs and they starve.

But if we're lucky, plastic pellets reach their destination, where they are turned into... well... the stuff that fills my house. I guess some of it goes to good use and benefits humanity. The rest of it is wasted on stuff like Barbie.

And then... if we;'re lucky.... it's recycled. I would love to see Barbies melting. But most of it goes to landfill... or back in the sea! Plastic bags look like jellyfish. Turtles eat them and die. This lot was pulled out of a dead Minke Whale's stomach. (copyright - sorry I don't know where this came from).

Is that a 'Boots' bag?

2006-05-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

Xmas 2005. I'm quite astonishingly happy that by 10 am they would rather play with the boxes. Against the odds, my children have souls. Next stop, armed revolution. And then maybe they'll leave home! Boom boom! That joke didn't turn out as funny as I'd hoped.

No one gets out alive

2006-05-10T15:19:00.000-07:00

I didn't have any grey hair before the kids.

Car boot sale!!

2006-05-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hurrah. Thank the Lord Lucifer and all his little pixies! A car boot sale in the village. this was our chance to hoover up all the pink plastic crap into a big black bag... get it on sale and offload it onto other poor sods.

Alas. Alack, even. The car boot sale is full of other parents all with the same plan. Lizzie scrounged a fiver and came home with THIS!!! Some sort of Barbie train. it's PINK. it's PLASTIC... it's CRAP!!!!

2006-05-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

nooooooooooo!!!!!!! I thought the house and garage were looking tidy, and maybe the PPC quotient was back down to earthly human levels. the I looked in the garden.... turns out the pink plastic crap is out enjoying the sunshine, with my kids sat in it.

2006-05-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

This is from Kate Evans 'Copse: The Cartoon Book of Tree Protesting'. You should get a copy - not sure if there are still any around, but try http://members.aol.com/pp3office/copse01.htm

'you give them all the best that money buys... avert their eyes from the rainclouds gathering under superheated skies'

2006-05-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there just isn't enough plastic in the house. We have to take them out and put them in a pit of the stuff.

Pink Plastic Crap

2006-05-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

You know.... we don't BUY this stuff. It just turns up in the house.

Note to Santa.... we have enough stuff. Please give us a miss next time - don't you know there's children starving in Africa?

2006-05-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit worried that the pink plastic is going to Peter's head too.

2006-05-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Kids' bedrooms..... they should all just have a big hole in the middle of the floor, and a chain. Then when you can't see the carpet any more. FLLLLUUUUSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!! All the pink plastic crap is away!

Pink Plastic Warehouse

2006-04-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

That's our house. You should come and see it some day.